eddieh
01-07-2004, 04:28 PM
someone sent this to me some good ones...
> 1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carryingi two
> >> dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says,
> >> "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per
> >> passenger."
> >> ,
> >> 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns
> >> to the other and says "Dam!"..
> >>
> >> 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so lit
> >> a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving
> >> once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it
> >> too.
> >>
> >> 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my
> >> electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first
> >> replies "Yes, I'm positive."
> >>
> >> 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
> >> Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend
> >> dental medication.
> >>
> >> 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
> >> and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
> >> tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
> >> came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
> >> "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because",
> >> he said, "I can't stand chess- nuts boasting in an
> >> open foyer."
> >>
> >> 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
> >> One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
> >> "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they
> >> name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
> >> himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
> >> picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
> >> also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
> >> "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
> >> Ahmal."
> >>
> >> 8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments,
> >> so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
> >> Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of
> >> God, a rival florist across town thought the
> >> competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to
> >> close down, but they would not. He went back and
> >> begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
> >> rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and
> >> most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.
> >> Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
> >> saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
> >> Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and
> >> only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
> >>
> >> 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most
> >> of the time, which produced an impressive set of
> >> calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which
> >> made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
> >> suffered from bad breath. This made him ....(yes? you've heard
> > this).....
> >>
> >> A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
> >>
> >> 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten
> >> different puns to his family and friends, with the hope that at
> >> least one of the puns would make them laugh.
> >>
> >> No pun in ten did!
> >>
> >
> >
> >
>
> 1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carryingi two
> >> dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says,
> >> "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per
> >> passenger."
> >> ,
> >> 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns
> >> to the other and says "Dam!"..
> >>
> >> 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so lit
> >> a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving
> >> once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it
> >> too.
> >>
> >> 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my
> >> electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first
> >> replies "Yes, I'm positive."
> >>
> >> 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
> >> Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend
> >> dental medication.
> >>
> >> 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
> >> and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
> >> tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
> >> came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
> >> "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because",
> >> he said, "I can't stand chess- nuts boasting in an
> >> open foyer."
> >>
> >> 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
> >> One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
> >> "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they
> >> name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
> >> himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
> >> picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
> >> also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
> >> "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
> >> Ahmal."
> >>
> >> 8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments,
> >> so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
> >> Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of
> >> God, a rival florist across town thought the
> >> competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to
> >> close down, but they would not. He went back and
> >> begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
> >> rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and
> >> most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.
> >> Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
> >> saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
> >> Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and
> >> only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
> >>
> >> 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most
> >> of the time, which produced an impressive set of
> >> calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which
> >> made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
> >> suffered from bad breath. This made him ....(yes? you've heard
> > this).....
> >>
> >> A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
> >>
> >> 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten
> >> different puns to his family and friends, with the hope that at
> >> least one of the puns would make them laugh.
> >>
> >> No pun in ten did!
> >>
> >
> >
> >
>