Southern Grandmas

[Dan Chase]

Southern Grandmas

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her
and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded,

"Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a
young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie,
you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them
behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the
brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She
again replied, "Why, yes , I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He
can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated
on his wife with three different women.
One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost
died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet
voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send
you to the electric chair." :D