eddieh
01-29-2003, 03:00 PM
> >EVER WONDER where we are headed...
> >
> >...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
> >
> >...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
> >
> >...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
> >
> >...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
> >
> >...why doctors call what they do "practice"?
> >
> >...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
> >
> >...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing
> >liquid is made with real lemons?
> >
> >...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
> >
> >...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
> >
> >...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
> >
> >...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
> >
> >...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
> >
> >...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the
> >indestructible black box ?
> >
> >...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
> >
> >...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
> >
> >...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
> >
> >...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
> >
> >AND...
> >
> >In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of
> >stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
> >
> >On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the
only
> >time I have to work on my hair).
> >
> >On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
> >inside. (the shoplifter special?)
> >
> >On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and
that
> >would be how???....)
> >
> >On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just"
a
> >suggestion).
> >
> >On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
down."
> >(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
> >
> >On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
> >(...and you thought????...)
> >
> >On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
> >wouldn't this save me more time?)
> >
> >On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate
machinery
> >after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
> >construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
> >head-colds off those forklifts.)
> >
> >On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking
this
> >because???....)
> >
> >On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as
> >opposed to...what?)
> >
> >On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
> >somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
> >
> >On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)
> >
> >On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat
> >nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
> >
> >I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a
child's
> >superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
> >
> >On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
> >genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
cheers eddie
:D
> >
> >...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
> >
> >...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
> >
> >...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
> >
> >...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
> >
> >...why doctors call what they do "practice"?
> >
> >...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
> >
> >...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing
> >liquid is made with real lemons?
> >
> >...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
> >
> >...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
> >
> >...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
> >
> >...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
> >
> >...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
> >
> >...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the
> >indestructible black box ?
> >
> >...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
> >
> >...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
> >
> >...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
> >
> >...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
> >
> >AND...
> >
> >In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of
> >stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
> >
> >On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the
only
> >time I have to work on my hair).
> >
> >On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
> >inside. (the shoplifter special?)
> >
> >On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and
that
> >would be how???....)
> >
> >On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just"
a
> >suggestion).
> >
> >On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
down."
> >(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
> >
> >On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
> >(...and you thought????...)
> >
> >On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
> >wouldn't this save me more time?)
> >
> >On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate
machinery
> >after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
> >construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
> >head-colds off those forklifts.)
> >
> >On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking
this
> >because???....)
> >
> >On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as
> >opposed to...what?)
> >
> >On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
> >somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
> >
> >On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)
> >
> >On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat
> >nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
> >
> >I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a
child's
> >superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
> >
> >On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
> >genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
cheers eddie
:D