Don Wollard
02-12-2003, 08:23 PM
WAL-MART Job Application: This is an actual job
>>
>>application that a 17 year old boy submitted to Wal-Mart in Florida. and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
>>
>>NAME: Greg Bulmash.
>>
>>SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person
>>
>>DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice
>>
>>President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
>>
>>DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
>>
>>EDUCATION: Yes.
>>
>>LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
>>
>>SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
>>MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
>>REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
>>
>>HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
>>PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p. m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
>>DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
>>MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
>>
>>If I had one, wouldn't I be there?
>>
>>DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD
>>
>>PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS.?: Of what?
>>
>>DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
>>
>>HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
>>
>>I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
>>
>>DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
>>
>>WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
>>
>>Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
>>DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO
THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
>>
>>SIGN HERE: Aries.
>
>>
>>application that a 17 year old boy submitted to Wal-Mart in Florida. and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
>>
>>NAME: Greg Bulmash.
>>
>>SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person
>>
>>DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice
>>
>>President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
>>
>>DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
>>
>>EDUCATION: Yes.
>>
>>LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
>>
>>SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
>>MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
>>REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
>>
>>HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
>>PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p. m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
>>DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
>>MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
>>
>>If I had one, wouldn't I be there?
>>
>>DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD
>>
>>PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS.?: Of what?
>>
>>DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
>>
>>HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
>>
>>I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
>>
>>DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
>>
>>WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
>>
>>Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
>>DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO
THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
>>
>>SIGN HERE: Aries.
>